Outcome Unknown Has Some Advice
You’ll never guess where I am. If you guessed on an airplane, you would be correct. I’m flying back from an exhausting business trip to Boston. Exhausting mostly because I had trouble sleeping, which is extremely rare. I was watching the new Scorsese film on Dylan. The topic of the Vietnam war came up, which triggered thoughts of my dad. He got kicked out of college for walking onto the field at a KU football game (I think it was football) with a bunch of other activists and had a sit-in to protest the war. Isn’t the human brain a funny thing? You just never know how a passing word or phrase is going to be processed.
Anyway, my dad did this thing. I don’t know when it started, but at some point he got the idea to collect a bunch of advice for his kids. He hand wrote the advice in a spiral-bound book of notecards. His handwriting is terrible. I remember the drawer where he kept it. Not long after he died of pancreatic cancer (fuck cancer!), each of his kids received a copy of that notecard book. His values are coded in the advice. You could get a sense of who he was and what was important to him. Sometimes it was explicit, but often it was not.
I’ve been doing the same thing for my own children, probably since around the time Cassidy was born, though it’s possible it began when she was in utero. Right now it’s just just shy of thirty pieces of advice. It runs the gamut of quotes from Steve Jobs to Martin Luther King, Jr. to Jeff Tweedy mixed with bits of wisdom and straight-up advice. I really enjoy adding to it, even though I don’t do it very often and when I do it’s usually in spurts. Assembling this…knowledge base…I guess that’s what it is, is so satisfying. It represents years of work and a commitment to something. I start a lot and finish little, so doing something over the course of years, at least for me, is something I’m proud of. It’s not a lot of work, and most of the words aren’t mine, but it’s something…a collection of something. And like the notebook my own dad put together, my kids will have a sense of who I am by virtue of what is included.
I have this fantasy, maybe an obsession, with leaving behind a digital version of me, largely unassembled, slightly organized, to ensure that my children have a strong sense of who I am (or was). I assume every kid goes through some process over time whereby the think of their parents only as parents. At some point that shifts and as they mature and begin to understand the world around them, they realize that their parents are complete human beings that are far more complex than they used to perceive. I don’t remember when, but there was definitely a conscious moment where I realized my dad (and mom) were people. It sounds weird, I know, but my hunch is you know what I’m talking about. I feel like I knew my dad, but there is so much I didn’t know, and probably can’t ever know, because he isn’t physically here. I just don’t want that to be the case when it comes to me.
If you want to read it, I’ve made it available. While it reflects me, the vast majority of it is other people’s words. So much of it is universal. Maybe it will inspire you to do something similar for your family or friends.
I’m trying to make a conscious effort to talk less and ask my kids more questions.
Kids are apparently being bullied into spending money on Fortnite skins (virtual clothes). Weird, fascinating and of course terrible. On the off chance you have no idea what Fortnite is (I won’t tell), here’s a good primer. Yes, I’ve played it. Yes, it’s really fun.
We’re all going to die from stupidity.
What are you doing September 20–27? You’re striking with kids across the world to make adults wake the fuck up about climate change.
The ongoing debate about “screen time” and technology rages on. For those parents who aren’t technically savvy it’s particularly difficult.
I am now aware of the term “sharenting”. Seriously though, good read on privacy as it relates to parents and their kids.
It’s summer and if you’re traveling with your kids, you need a good, safe set of headphones. Wirecutter pick, Puro Sound Labs BT2200 seem like a good choice.
❤️
Brad
P.S. Hit reply and tell me how your summer is going or something.